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sell your body to the night
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[07 Apr 2006|11:41pm] |
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its only the first night and i miss her alot. alot more than iv ever missed anything. i hope she feels better and has fun while shes up there. i love you lauren! im so bored right now that im going halfway crazy.lol. jamming out to techno surfing the net. i just watched like half of the movie goodfellas- which is a classic. crazy movie. makes me laugh. made the jump at mikes today huge. its to the point now where it is geting kinda dangerous. we have to start taking precautions. like today i came up short and almost had a real bad crash because the runway was so rutted up. i ate shit, but im fine, i bailed. but we fixed the runway, put carpet over it after we smoothed it out totally. so now it should be good. tommorow we will shred! i wanna learn hart attacks and cliffhangers. iv got superman seatgrabs, but a hart attack is alot different. right? guess i dont know till i try. tommorow im gonna get em. mikes moving to texas for 6 months on friday. that sucks, hes a very good friend. but its for the best. so good for him. his wedding is in june so hes going to have to fly back down for his wedding. lol. crazy. his mom dropped mad cash on the wedding. i hope mike hits the jump tommorow. when we made it big today he wouldnt hit it. he didnt think he had enough runway to get the speed needed to clear it. but i know he does. hes got it. man im so bored and i miss lauren sooooooooo much! i fucking love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to get shit out. its so hard for me to communicate my feelings, has been all my life. its easy to just type them in so, here i am. i know lauren knows that i love her. so all is good. except i have bills coming, have no money, and no job. but it doesnt matter because i have the love of my life. i will get the money troubles taken care of, ill get through it. its kinda tough. but having lauren makes me happy. everytime i think of her, i swear to god, i get a smile on my face. she is so sweet, yet so sharp. shes perfect. i love her. she completes me. have fun lauren, i miss you!!!
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[01 Apr 2006|08:09am] |
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blink 182- dude ranch cd |
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i got my tonsils out and i am in pain! this is the second day and i still cant talk or swallow food. i didnt know it was this bad getting your tonsils out. so i think im just a big pussy. i cant sleep cause it hurts so bad! and they didnt give me any pain medication, which is wrong. i could definitely use some. prom is today, and beileve it or not im kinda nervous. i dont feel good at all and im not in the best of mood but i have to be nice because i dont want to ruin laurens day. she is so excited, i dont understand why, but thats cool. if shes happy, im happy. i cant dance worth a shit, so its going to be interesting. lol. i dont feel right in a tux. i feel like its wrong on me. lol. does everyone feel like that the first time they wear a tux or am i just wierd? im probably just wierd. anyways me and my dad had the biggest fight of our lives on my birthday. me and my family (except lauren was at work) were eating dinner at my moms house. my dads comes in and the first thing he says to me with a p[issed off sounding voice is "you working tommorow"? he wqas pissed off that i didnt work that day. he asks me that question so much that i gave him a smartass answer, i said "i cant because im dead". lol. so childish sometimes, but thats the only way i can deal with him. so then he starts yelling at me for being a smartass, telling at my mom. he throws my birthday card at me and says fuck you. then he says fuck this im leaving. i hear him talking to my little sister in her room saying "jimmys a piece of shit, hes a fucking scumbag, a loser, that fucking piece of shit, fuck him". he said things that to hear your dad say about you, you wish you never heard. when he said that shit about me to my little sister i lost it. the tears started rolling down my cheeks at the dinner table as my fists swelled with anger fueled by intense emotional pain. so i get up, run outside, and start yelling as loud as i could at my dad. he gets in my face and yells back. we were about 2 seconds away from having a fist fight which would have been very bad to say the least. my mom, sisters, and alex grab me as im freaking out. i was so hurt and mad that i seriously couldnt even see straight. so after he leaves we are back in my moms house and its a wreck. it was supposed to be a celebratory dinner for me and my little sisters birthdays, but now everything is fucked. my mom is crying her eyes out becuase this is an all to familiar happening for us. i hear alex in the other room comforting my mom as i sit in a chair crying. my dad is truly an asshole. hes extremely mentally ill, anyone who knows him can tell you this. it just really sucks because thats my dad. i know he loves me but to treat me like that,mentally ill or not, is fucked up. im not gonna take it anymore. that was almost a week ago and we havent talked since. usually when this kind of thing happens the next day or day after my dad comes barging into my house and makes me accept his apology. but not this time, something is different. either he thinks im the biggest asshole in the world for not showing up at work for one day and 1 smartass comment, or he knows hes done very done. i think he knows hes pushed me over the edge, that im not gonna take it anymore. he has to know. im the only one he treats that bad. i feel so fucking bad for my mom. you know how hard it is for a mom to see her son get treated like that, by his father? i can only imagine. and the night this happened she made lots of food, decorated, made a cake. she pretty much spent her whole day preparing for the son and daughter birthday dinner, and that asshole ruins it. i guess the only thing i can do about this dad situation is learn from it. when i have a wife and kids someday i know i will not be like my father. its impossible. he hurts everyone around him so much its incredible. he himself is in massive amounts of emotional anguish but i dont care anymore. i guess i have to pick up the pieces of myself that he shattered, put myself back together but 100 times more stronger and aware than i was before. everytime this happens i just get stronger. when this first started happening i would just feel numb, but i guess i learned and instead of becoming numb, i became stronger. so, fuck you dad, maybe someday we will settle this. but i cant dwell on the past anymore. i have such a good life and bright future. i honest to god have the girl of my dreams. i am 100& in love with lauren traulsen. i really found my one love. i have some awesome friends that i couldnt ask more of, and my relationship with my sisters and mom is great, its even getting better. i ride sportbikes and dirtbikes which has been a dream of mine since i was in kindergarten. so all this makes me happier than iv ever been in my whole life, with or without my father. so heres to the present day being fucking awesome, and the future being even better! i love you with all of my heart lauren, please forgive me for being an asshole sometimes. sometimes this shit consumes my brain and i get very sad. but if i just look at you i am happy again. thank you lauren traulsen, for being there for me and dealing with me. i love you
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| i got a g4 laptop! |
[11 Jan 2006|09:22pm] |
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music |
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al on the guitar |
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well. havent updated in awhile. cause lauren is so tight. i love riding 125s. o yea. so much fucking fun. im getting one and getting rid of my 4stroke. to many tickets, probably going to jail sometime soon. only for a bit though. hopefully not. how did i ever get so lucky to have her? better than winning the lottery it is. for sure. i love her. i love when she smiles. i want to make her happy.
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[11 Dec 2005|07:18pm] |
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laurens annoyi |
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hardrock is the best track ever. i learned no footed candybars. i suck. i love lauren t and bmx. lauren really likes yellow skittles.... alot. p.s- only in the butt. christmas is soon yay. i work with yocraig again, also with my dad. laurens foot is almost touching my happy place. nipples. james anthony snow has the best sex ever.
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| lauren is my love |
[14 Nov 2005|06:41pm] |
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music |
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the ramones- pet cemetary |
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fuck. i really need a sportbike. everytime i see one i get these crazy feelings. im pissed and sad that i dont have one anymore. riding that sportbike was my life and im not giving it up. i am going to get one somehow. but anyways. almost got shot the other night, that was an experience. lol. me and lauren watched the grinch, which was fucking awesome, (and im not talking about the movie). we also watched pet cemetary. thats a good movie, its pretty scary. iv been riding my 50 nonstop lately. i have nothing else to do. its super fun but i need a sportbike. lauren bought me a sweet shirt. and skittles. you fuckin rock.
dad i wish it was possible for you to change. how can you not see what the fuck you are doing? your so crazy. you depress me so much you dont even know you fucking asshole.
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[07 Nov 2005|05:32pm] |
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silverchair-cemetary, elton john-tiny dancer |
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she is irresistable. everytime we look at each other i cant help it, i just have to touch and kiss her. i hope she is having a good night at work. i cant wait to see her after work.
other stuff that needs to get off of my mind- my dad. i know how unhappy he is, i can see it in his eyes. it fucking kills me. it kills me to know that someone i love so much is so unhappy. i wish things could be different. i wish he was normal, or different. i want us to be friends, i want him to be my father. but he is never going to change. god this makes me feel like shit. i dont know what to do. should i play his games like i have been all my life? or should i do what im doing? what im doing makes me feel like shit but i know it will be better in the long run. but i want us to be good again. i dont know ahhhhhhhhhhh
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[06 Nov 2005|08:09pm] |
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im a gay cowboy. (lauren is gay)
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| teach me to dance lol |
[02 Nov 2005|11:05pm] |
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alex playing guitar and singing like a drunk alanis morriset |
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i really need a bike. its been 2 whole days without my bike. its so hard. atleast i still have someone wonderful in my life. someone that everytime i see i forget all of my problems, or anything that bothers me. god she is fucking beautiful. i love her. i love how she understands, i love how she helps me out, i love how she helps my best friend out. i love that she made me ride. i love that she cares. i love the smile that she is gonna make when she reads this, and the smile she makes everytime i see her. i love that she hates hondas and i like them. i loved the first time she told me to not tell her what to do. i love how i "had to" see dirty dancing, grease, and top gun. i love how everytime im in her car we listen to that damn spanish song, the lesbian song from the mightmighty bosstones, and fall out boy. i love when she says her favorite phrase "jimmy no". lol. i love her eyes, especially looking into them. i could go on forever about what i love about her, because it is everything. i am so lucky to have her and she makes me so damn happy. i hope i make her happy too, because she deserves it.
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| boobs |
[30 Oct 2005|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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goo goo dolls- iris |
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im at laurens house right now. i battled the wind all day on my sportbike, i hate the wind. dudes from sunsports cane over and we shredded on the fifties. im getting one next week, i cant wait. roulette party was the shit, laurens costume was so awesome that im gonna have wet dreams about it for the rest of my life. o god. i was a gay cowboy last night, that was sweet. as usual i lost all the money i gambled in roulette, but this time it wasnt my money. im fat. lauren even says so. iv been having an awesome time with lauren lately she fucking rocks my world.jnnnujkm ibbnjknhnijk . 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 i cant wait lauren is fucking beautiful
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[09 Oct 2005|08:07am] |
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the killers- mr brightside |
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i just wrote a pretty big entry and i got kicked off before i could post it. lol. but i think im in love
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[02 Oct 2005|01:45am] |
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type o negative-christian women |
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IM BACK! i am riding again and it feels so fucking good. rode lehigh all day yesterday and realized that my return to bmx was long overdue. i just needed a little push to get me back into it. lauren made me go ride and i owe her for that. i really like her. like i really think i have feelings for her. i love seeing her and talking to her and thinking about her (which i think about her alot). so im very happy right now.
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[19 Sep 2005|09:26am] |
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music |
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sum 41-pieces |
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quit sunsports. i work with my crazy dad now. been riding out at lehigh alot lately. seminole this thursday though, i cant wait. me and kevo have been hanging out. iv also been hanging out with lauren. shes awesome, very awesome. what more can you ask for in a girl? im such a lightweight it makes me laugh. lol
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| i have not been on a computer in a long time |
[10 Sep 2005|06:29pm] |
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music |
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metallica- one |
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post an ANONYMOUS comment with the following:
1. one secret.
2. one compliment.
3. one non-compliment.
4. one love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. lyrics to a song.
6. how old you are.
7. how long we've been friends.
8. and a hint to who you are.
9. after you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.
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[05 Aug 2005|09:53pm] |
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first lap, first time on the track on my new badass bike i break my ankle. on something so stupid and small. im pissed, probably be off my bike for like 3 weeks. damnit
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[16 Jul 2005|07:53am] |
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music |
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turbonegro in my head |
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sunday i get my bike! i cant wait. i just stare at it all day at work. monday me, aron, alan, aj, and probably some other people are going riding all day. im moving out in a week or two. my friend aron has a nice duplex and he wants a roommate, so thats me. 400 a month for rent and im guessing another 100 a month for utilities. its gonna be tight, cause i pay for my sportbike and dirtbike, but i think i can do it. its gonna be so much different not living with my mom and sisters. im still gonna come over my moms everyday to make sure my sisters are doing good. kaitlin is giving me a colorful fan for my room at arons. lol. nice
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| jims goin 4stroke |
[11 Jul 2005|06:11pm] |
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monday i go pick up my 2005 YZ250F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck yea. i cant wait. its gonna be such a badass bike. thx to my mom for putting up half the cash for it. this week is gonna go by so slow. in other news me, kaitlin, aron and michelle need to hangout again, that was fun.
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| fuck yea |
[10 Jul 2005|12:30am] |
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lifes been good lately. really good. im happy. works good, friends are good, new dirtbike on the way, and SHE is amazing. lol firecats arena football is great
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| covered in firework burns |
[05 Jul 2005|12:30am] |
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no music, but scotty doesnt know is stuck in my head |
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today was probably the best fourth of july iv ever had. it could have been better, but it still rocked. had a little barbecue/get together at ajs house. aka- the price compound. everyone rode dirtbikes and quads pretty much all day. aj smacked his testes trying whips, ouch. he started learning cliffhangers. i ate shit pretty good on a lazyboy. i got heel clickers dialed, and i started working on whips. soooooooooo fun. i love riding my dirtbike. anyways after that we met up with al, caused some trouble, then went to my dads. we had a huge game of around the corner (dice) and my dad was going nuts as usual. lol well i hope everyone had a good fourth.
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[01 Jul 2005|07:03am] |
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music |
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had to delete limewire and all its files |
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yesterday me, aj, and his friend gregg went to seminole. i love that place. the track was pretty muddy and the jumps real rutted up. but it was still fun. i ate shit like 4 times, aj 3, gregg i think 3 also. damn mud. my bike is sooooo dirty, it needs a good cleaning. probably an oil change to. after seminole i rode my sportbike with a bunch of crazy fuckers. they did wheelies after wheelies. gregg can wheelie like a madman on his gsxr 600, up and down bridges and around turns. this guy on an r1 wheelied for seriously a mile. that was sick. its 7am, i have to work at 8:30, and be at the chiropractor at 7:30. thats to early. i want to do something this weekend.
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[28 Jun 2005|08:09am] |
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yesterday was good. me, mike, mikes friend alan, aj, and lawton all rode at ajs house. aj had some trails, a circle track, and a freestyle jump. we had a huge session on the jump, everyone hit it. it was a pretty big gap, and the lip was huge so we were getting pretty damn high. the landing sucked so it was almost like landing flat. lol. i learned heel clickers, and i did some little superman seatgrabs. im pysched about that. on a bigger jump ill have the superman seatgrabs. mike no handered it,and aj tried some heel clickers and no footers. mikes bike seized up, so he probably needs like a whole new engine. lol. that blows. thursday me and aj are gonna ride seminole if it doesnt get rained out. we are gonna sign up for the freestyle jump. that jump is a monster, definitely big enough for us to learn some big tricks. my shoulder is really swelled up right now from riding last night, it clipped a tree while i was going through a trail in second gear. that hurt. anyways, who wants to hangout this week?
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